Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
