If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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