I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
