On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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