I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
