i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
