Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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