Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
