my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
