he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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