I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
