Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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