Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
