Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
