Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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