She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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