what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
