I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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