somebody snuck up and got me drunk
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
