The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
