I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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