Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
