You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
