I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
