His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
