When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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