my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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