Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You ruined the universe
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
