You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
