Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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