I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Help. Why am I so naked?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
