I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
im six kinds of drunk right now
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We were destined to go to rehab together
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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