I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just want nice things and good sex
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
