Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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