so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
