remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
