Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
