Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
