my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
