I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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