matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
vagina is talking i cant
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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