There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
