Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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