if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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