So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
