just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
