very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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