your thong is hanging out like whoa
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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