she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
