I cut my penus on the lid.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
